Notes A complete con I suppose, but it was definitely worth it to see the look on his face the moment he realized what was about to happen. Another dropoff sidetrack, and it wasn’t the best time to get booked. So here’s what happened. I’m driving to a little restaurant on the outskirts of the city when I see red and blue flashing in my mirror. Thinking quickly I thought of something that could probably get my name a little more respected in the ring. The cop walks up to the car, slow and slack looking. I put on a serious face and already have the I.D. and registration in my hand. Leaning over he peers in under reflective sunglasses. I nod and he grabs the papers out of my hand. “So what happened at that light back there,” Pausing to read my I.D. “Mr. Anitai?”

“What light sir? I hadn’t noticed.” “Don’t play dumb with my buddy, c’mon, you know what I’m fuckin talking about so why don’t you just tell me? Huh?” He took of his sunglasses, “What happened at that light?” I couldn’t remember running any, but I figured any excuse would do. “Honestly sir, I’ve got a lot of shit on my mind right now and I must have been somewhere completely else when I went through.” “Is that so? Well, okay, whatever. Pay attention or you’re gonna get someone killed. Consider this your last warning. He said as he tossed my license and registration onto the dashboard.

That would have been perfect if I didn’t feel like doing something stupid. I opened the door and got out. “Sir, could I have a quick word with you?” The cop stopped and turned around; he lowered his right hand from his sunglasses in his left breast pocket to his sidearm. “You should stay in you’re car sir.” “Look, sorry to bug you about this, but I can’t let you do that, walk away with no questions asked. I could be his on perks or something.” “Excuse me?” He looked confused. It was just another lazy cop that tries to come off like a toughass but can only pull it off for a sentence or so. “The defense of this city is of vital importance to me and the way it’s being imposed is atrocious. I’m gonna have to ask you to search me, for the sake of us all.” The cop put the flap back over the pistol grip and sort of laughed. Maybe he hadn’t had an unusual experience lately. “Alright buddy, if you think that’ll help.” He patted me down half-assed and said, “You’re clean, happy?”

“I’m also going to have to request that you search the car. I could have stashed something.” “Did you?” “It’s you’re job to find that out sir.” He looked displeased, but turned towards the car and proceeded to search, popped the trunk as he was looking under the driver’s seat, continued to search the back seats and went to the back of the car. I had casually walked up to the car as he searched and leaned against the rear bumper. “So what else am I not going to find?” He said turning his attention to the boxes in the trunk covered by some blue towels. “What’s in those?” He asked. “Stuff.” I responded.

“Listen buddy, I don’t have time for this shit. I’ll just write you a ticket for erratic driving , see you in court.” He went for his little notepad and started writing away. “The first two are ecstasy.” He looked up from his notepad. “The first two what are ecstasy?” “Boxes. The other three are pot.” He looked at the boxes, back at me, and then at the boxes again, trying to twist his sluggish mind around the situation. He went to reach for the box in the centre with his right arm. As he made contact with the box I grabbed the trunk door and slammed it down. The cop tried to get his arm out but I caught him at the elbow, which in turn brought his shoulder and face into the license plate and keyhole respectively.

He swung at me and grabbed me by the throat but I kept pressure on the door and reached for his gun. Unclipped the clasp, pulled it out and pointed it into his face. His grip tightened for a second then slowly released. “In the trunk.” “You’re making a very big mistake! You don’t get away with shit like this, not here.” “Well, you hope not anyways. Belt off, in the fuckin trunk.” I held the pistol closer to his face, right up to the bridge of his nose. I made sure he dropped his mace and radio and anything else that he could attack me with upon reopening the trunk about three days later back at home. The boxes were empty, maybe some old clothes in one, but I figured there was nothing potentially macguyverish back there.

- Another day another series of fucked up events, I was drunk, as per usual, and sloppily walking down the street, I had been enjoying myself to the full extent that I could possibly achieve, piss loaded and not having to interact with anyone. I saw three figures come around the corner the next block up, it was all blurry but it appeared to be three men, probably out on the town, probably doing the same thing as I was except with that whole excessive pointless ongoing conversation that never seems to benefit anyone, rather just a scheme to pass time quicker. As they got closer I noticed all three of them eyeing me.

“Got a cigarette?” The one in the middle asked. I abruptly stopped, murmured something about how I was running low but would still give him one and pulled out my pack. I handed him the smoked and tried to walk past. “How bout another?” The one on the left asked. “You guys can share.” I said and tried to push past. The on in the middle placed his palm on my check and pushed me back. “Nah, we can’t. Now give him a fuckin’ cigarette.” They sort of tried to surround me on three sides with my back facing a wall. “How bout you go fuck yourselves?” I almost shouted. I fucking hate bullshit tough guy confrontations. “What?! You wanna die tonight you piece of shit?” The guy on my right piped in. “I feel like I wanna die every night.” And the Oscar goes to… “Well, looks like your prayer may be answered.” He said while reaching into his back pocket. I didn’t wait to see what he was going to pull out. With my right hand I quickly reached towards the guy in the middle grabbing his face like you see basketball players palm a ball. His arms grasped onto mine. I pulled him forward and pushed the back of his head into the face of the guy on the right and then, as violently and with as much for as I could muster I swung him towards the guy on the left; the back of his head clipped the guys jaw and he stumbled back a few feet, I noticed a bit of blood on his face and realized the back of his head had come into contact with teeth. One tooth could be seen sort of stuck in the bloody mess that was this poor guys thirty dollar haircut.

- Why is it always when I’m most trashed do people feel it necessary to start shit? Another lonely Friday with lady liquor and the mistress Mary Jane. I had been wandering for a few hours relatively contact free, a few other drunks had asked me for a smoke or some spare change for the bus, but it was all harmless. I decided to roll my last joint of the night. I found a secluded park very small, two benches and a playscape consisting of two swings a teeter-totter, and a slide. I sat on the bench and began to break up my bud. Footsteps behind me caught me off guard, it sounded like whoever it was had just appeared about six feet away. “Yo, whatchu sayin man?” The approaching silhouette asked. “Just chillin out, yourself man?” “You got any smoke man? I need some real bad you know, I got the skin flakes man, need something to ease this pain man.”

“Sorry,” I said with a slight pause. “All I got is this little bit for myself.” I would have smoked him on it, but I don’t trust what hygienic measures this guy had taken upon himself, I really don’t need herpes just for trying to be nice. “You can’t even throw a little man?” “Sorry, can’t help you.” I said, now half expecting him to become hysterical, half expecting him to walk away. He chose the first option. “Man,” he said, starting to raise his voice, “this is fucking bullshit, all I need is a toke, and you’re the only one around man.” I stood up and faced the guy. “I don’t want any fucking trouble man, I can’t help you so just go find it somewhere else.” I waited for a response before turning around. “That’s it mother fucker!” He cried out. “If you isn’t gonna fucking hand it over, I’ll make you!”

He began to reach into his back pocket, I didn’t give him a chance to reveal what he had. With my left hand I quickly grabbed his Adam’s apple and squeezed. His eyes bulged slightly and his arm began flailing, I realized that he had pulled a gun from his pocket but hadn’t been able to wrap his mind around shooting after his air supply was cut off. Still holding tightly onto his throat I wound up with my right and with as much force as I could muster I proceeded to tenderize his face, working specifically on the top lip and nose; looking at his face I’m pretty sure I at least broke the fuckers nose, there was blood gushing from his lips, his tongue, his nose, and then I realized that he had also began to bleed from his eyes, which had rolled into the back of his head moments after his airway had been blocked.

I eased my grip from his neck and he just dropped, not like he wanted to hit the ground; the back of his head thudded onto the ground and he wasn’t moving. I figured I just knocked him unconscious. I spat on him and went home, when I woke up the image of blood leaking from his eye sockets was still fresh in my memory, I tried not to think about it but it remained ever present. I turned on the TV, it was about noon, watched anything remotely interesting and flicked onto the twenty four hour news station. Good timing. “A man was found beaten to death in a Bellamy Heights park this morning, police are asking if anyone has any information please call our Crimestoppers hotline below.” and then continued to talk about politics and such.

Shit. I thought, That bastard isn’t worth life in prison, I gotta do something about this. I casually walked towards the park, yeah, I know, returning to the scene of the crime, stupid idea, but I had to see if they had taken the body yet. As luck would have it they were loading the corpse into the back of an ambulance as I approached, I needed to get into that ambulance. The hospital that it was going to was a few miles away, I knew a quick route consisting mostly of alleyways. As soon as I was out of sight I ran my ass off to make it to the next block, as I approached the street I saw the ambulance pull into a parking lot of a strip mall, both the stupid bastards got out and went into a coffee shop, with the engine running.

I couldn’t have prayed for a better opportunity. I made sure no one was looking, walked up to the side of the ambylance and tried the handle, the door swung open, I hopped In and at first just started to ease the ambulance out of the parking lot. Looking in my rear view mirror I realized they had spotted me and tore out of the shop. I gunned it, turned on the sirens and listened to the dispatcher, hoping that that wouldn’t be able to report me until I got to the lake.

- A buzzer goes off, all the cops start yelling and the cell doors open up. Everyone steps out and turns to the right and down a set of stairs in the north east corner of the building. it leads to a corridor that leads down to the southern wall and opens up into the bottom level. everyone turned and took their trays from the nearby cart, and stood in line. 'Did you just take my spot?' A voice from behind me asks. I turn around and come face to face with a guy, about the same size as me, built like a brick house. I had some meat on me, but man, this guy was a good five feet around, and it didn't look like fat. 'Me?' 'I'm looking fuckin right at you, course I’m talking to you you fuck, now get the fuck outta my spot 'fore i shove this fuckin’ tray up you're fuckin ass.' 'Me?' I asked again, this time with a little smile. 'Fuck this shit mother fucker' The guy yells and swings his tray at my face, I duck and smash the edge of my tray on the inside of his right kneecap, his leg buckles a bit and i take the opportunity to bring the other edge of my tray directly into his genitals. He lets out a little gasp of air and just lets his right leg give out. I stand up and see the guards running at me, they tackle me and beat me a little, i didn't resist, so no pepper spray or cattle prods. I didn't think i was ready for it yet. So, my first trip to solitary and i didn't even get dinner. I needed some sleep anyways. I used my pants as a pillow, and tried to stay in the center of the room, the floor had a slight curve in it so all the piss would roll to the sides, but it's pretty fuckin obvious that there wasn't a spot in that little box that hadn't been soiled by some human extract. About forty-four hours later i got to experience the joy of prison showers, grimy floors and cold water, about forty showers in a room, and two doors on either side. There was a guard on duty at both sides, they just stood outside and looked in through a 12x12 glass window. I had a plan for what i was going to do to some of these dumb fucks that tried anything in there, but nothing came, but there will be other showers. It was dinner time again, this time i decided food would be good. I waited in line, no one said anything, received my first prison dinner, a slop that looked like stew if you squinted your eyes, mashed potatoes that were so bleach white they were almost see-through, and a spoonful of thick red sauce with a few strands of spaghetti in it.

- “There’s a sniper in the building? I don’t see hi..” A splash of brains and glass followed by a gurgled attempt at any type of last words. His body fell forward and smashed into the pavement. His glasses lay on the ground; the right lens bloody, but still in tact. From a thousand feet, on the top of a building located south one block from where I was standing, he managed to pinpoint this schmuck’s pupil. Funny, I thought, Maybe the guy deserved it, or maybe it’s just some psycho killer that’s out to get anyone in range. As I dropped the coffee I had just bought and turned to haul ass I heard another bullet whiz by. I stopped for some reason and turned to see what it had hit. I had to laugh and look in the general direction of the shooter when I saw my coffee cup had a hole through the logo, fucking dead centre. After the appreciative recognition I hopefully showed, I turned to once again haul ass, and I guess he let me go. I ran across the street to closest thing I could get ou to gth didn’t get far before I heard sirens, I don’t doubt this was going to be one of today’s top stories.  ¶ 21:28